on grade school memories + last thoughts of the ex-crush.

A few days ago (which was moments after my little brother graduated from grade school), I recounted my elementary school memories (via Twitter, which was a trending topic then). Here are my tweets:

• Noong uso pa ang jackstones, piko, Chinese garter, at iba pang laro. (Pati trading card games, hahaha.)
• Back then was the age of boybands. Backstreet Boys, Westlife, N*Sync...you name it. :P
• Noisy and standing lists. Crybaby since birth (well, not exactly). Puberty jitters? HAHAHA. XD
• FLAMES, MASH, truth or consequence, busy apple lemon juice...HAYNAKOO. Mga katuwaan noong mga bata pa tayo. XD

…and, the last of my elementary school memories is this: Sometimes, I had to do the craziest things to get an upperclassman to notice me. And, that upperclassman is the boy who was a P'Chon (or P'Shone; basta character ni Mario Maurer sa First Love) to my P'Nam—and, he was in sixth grade (two batches higher than I, to be exact) ten years ago. He even has two younger sisters, one of which was my classmate when I reached first year high. And now, I have no idea what happened to him these days. Maybe he got married and started a family, I guess? Oh, well—it doesn't matter anymore. Yet, until now, I still wish him all the best—no matter what happens. And, if we meet again someday...I'll remind myself that he was the first person whom I considered my very serious crush, and the first person who broke my heart.
Before I met him, L was just the twelfth letter in the alphabet. But a few days after the 9/11 tragedy in New York, I saw him walking upstairs to his classroom. Back then, I had mistaken him for a classmate of mine--but upon looking at his ID, I was intrigued over the fact that his name starts with a letter L. The second time I saw him (which happened some days later), he was wearing a P.E. uniform. Since the bell rang in time for my next class then (that was after lunch break), I became inexplicably curious about the dude. Then, just when I was about to go downstairs to fall in line with my classmates—that's when I encountered that elusive name again. And, on the third encounter, that's when I thought I was slowly falling for that boy...until I realized how much I became a martyr to him years later.
That third encounter—when I saw him among a certain Reading class practicing for their convocation at the lower quad—it was the turning point. This was the time when I admitted to myself that I was crushing on him. I know, I found other guys cute—but he really seemed to stand out among the rest of the class. It was probably at this stage when I experienced sleepless nights just thinking about him, being excited about seeing him on campus—and, to the extent of having him as a prospective boyfriend. These led me to do the craziest things a girl could do to a boy—such as stalking his classroom whenever no one's around, interacting with fifth-graders while discreetly waiting for him at the nearby classroom...and, the worst part here is, giving him flowers. HAHAHA! Trust me—as a beginner in dealing with the opposite sex, I had no idea what I was doing then (not to mention, I'm the only girl among the brood of three).
Luckily, he did notice me during the second day of intramurals. Although he belonged to a rival team (he was from the blue team, while I was rooting for the yellow team), at least he showed a bit of camaraderie and friendship. He waved his hand at me, and I thought, "OMIGOSH! Is it me, or is he really saying hi to me?" I almost died thinking about it...and I felt like I was in heaven. Corny, yes—but that's how a crush does to make a girl's day brighter than she ever thought. Sadly, this was the only moment when he noticed me...in a positive way.
Then, I met other boys along the way (some became pseudo-crushes)—but before this upperclassman graduated from grade school, I realized that I still have feelings for him. When he was called for the list of awardees, I tried to hide my emotions—yet, I was secretly proud for him. Oh, well.
Three years went by, but I still felt the same towards him. And, even though he left before I reached my sophomore year in high school...just hearing stuff about him makes me flinch. Or, worse—It's something that makes me react violently, just because of the pain I had from being too much in like with him. Heck, even a mention of his name (whether in writing or oral form) makes me feel so weak sometimes.
Now, I have already graduated from college—and I'm off to set myself for a new journey: being a professional artist. Yet, as I look back to this experience, it taught me to become a stronger person. I haven't completely gotten over this guy (probably by now, he's a 22-year-old professional), but I can say that I have already moved on. There may be times when I get too mushy and sentimental over this person, but then again, it never failed to inspire me through and through.
So, to this person named L, I know you'll throw this in a trash can once you read this note—and I bet you're going to block me if I added you in my contacts list. But despite all these, I was thankful to have known you—even if I had episodes of depression while trying to impress you way back in my grade school days (while you were a high school student then). LOLS—scratch the depression thing; I just want to say thanks for being one of my inspirations in life. You may have already forgotten me a long time ago, but that's okay. What mattered most right now is that I have said my piece, and I'm ready to move on—completely.

Cheers from Cloudy, the derphead on teh loose. ROCK AND ROLL~ :)

Note: L is the crossed-out dude in life@13, and the hater in my aesthetics2 finals. And, these elements are based from personal experiences—particularly when puberty jitters took place. :) (At, hindi ko pa ipinapakita kina Arden at Willybear 'tong esth2 finals. It was just Nichi, Gem, and Matt who saw this, among the dudes who were part of it. HAHAHAHA.)